There are specialists / sex therapist capable of helping us overcome the blockages that spoil our pleasure in bed. But a lot of misconceptions are circulating about them. And yet…
It is a priori an excellent idea to want to consult when you cannot manage alone, or even with your partner, to have a satisfactory sex life. But, to take full advantage of this process, let’s start by getting rid of any misrepresentations we may have about sex therapists. And there are many…
He is not a teacher… but he waits for us to “work” a little
For next week, you will give me three deep kisses and two cunnilingus! Don’t expect the sex therapist requires us to do compulsory exercises, with supporting notes. We’re not in a six-month college sex school. But, if we have pushed open his door, it is good to reconcile us with our libido. So yeah, we’re going to have to talk about our privacy.
“Many patients are quite timid during a first consultation. Not obvious indeed, after just a few minutes, to be already to evoke a difficulty to enjoy or a concern of premature ejaculation”, admits the sexologist Valerie Cordonnier.
But, let us be reassured, it is the job of this professional to encourage free speech and to create an environment conducive to this type of confidentiality.
“Most of the time, the sex therapist brings to light in his office evocative objects, for example books on the sexuality, erotic prints, representations of the Greek god Priapus, collections of ancient vibrators, etc., she continues.
They are intended to mean unequivocally and in all elegance that in this place, it will be a question of sexuality, that we are there for that. Something to touch the subconscious and reduce resistance.
He is not a magician… but he knows what he is talking about
Let us not imagine either that the sex therapist will solve all our difficulties in one session, with a wave of a magic wand. You might as well know that we will undoubtedly have to frequent him for a while before observing tangible results under the duvet.. But, all along this path, he will hold our hands with kindness and support us in times of discouragement.
A good part of her role will consist of reassuring us, giving us confidence in our ability to evolve, as Valerie Cordonnier explains:
“With most patients, there is an enormous reassurance work to be done to deconstruct their certainty. to be “abnormal” or “unfit”.
The thing I repeat most often is that when it comes to sexuality, there are no standards or models. There are no champions of sex on one side and “bad shots” on the other! Everything is a matter of concordance and adjustments between the partners. And that, we can always achieve it as long as we work on it. »Need a little extra motivation before starting this journey?
“In general, when you manage to remove a sexual blockage with the help of the sex therapist, you then feel much more fulfilled in other areas of your life. Because, for sure, we will not have remained on the surface of the only sexual symptom and we will have dug a little deeper,” she continues.
He is not a judge … but he is the advocate of good understanding
If we hope that he will give us 100% right and 100% wrong with our companion, we will be disappointed!
“A sex therapist does not take sides. For the simple reason that, during a sexual dysfunction, there is neither culprit nor victim but two people responsible for what is happening – or not happening – in their privacy, ”emphasizes Valerie Cordonnier.
On the other hand, we can count on him to act as mediator and help us reestablish dialogue. To find the right words, out of reproaches and insults. What do we really want? What is the problem for us?
“Once the problem is well defined, the sex therapist can suggest avenues for reflection. For example, if one prefers quick sex while the other calls for slow sexwith foreplay, hugs and romance, the couple could undoubtedly consider alternating these two tempos, because both have their charms and, above all, one is not “better” than the other, “she says.
How to organize, at what times will we choose one or the other? The sex therapist will accompany the couple even in this practical aspect of things. “This is the only way to get there to be acting out,” she says.
He is not a guru … but he can guide us
Even if we don’t dare admit it, we can be a little intrigued by the sex therapist: it’s a funny job all the same … Why is he so interested in antics, wouldn’t he be a little obsessed? Let’s be reassured, he is not more neurotic than the average person!
“If I chose to take a degree in sexology, it is because it is a human science – in the literal sense of the term – quite fascinating,” says Valerie Cordonnier.
I am primarily interested in people and their development. The sex therapist is not a love coach, he is not there to learn how to give blowjobs or to encourage patients to practice bordering on the norm. This will not prevent him from helping to broaden the couple’s sexual horizon.
“I can thus explain to a woman how to practice a relaxation technique which will diffuse the relaxation until the lower abdomen and will lead her to better feel the orgasm. Or how to masturbate a man, ”she testifies.
But we always have the option to say stop and end the interview if we feel uncomfortable.