In an ultra-connected society, we see more and more that many people suffer from loneliness. According to the Research Center for the Study and Observation of Living Conditions, a study conducted in December 2016 shows that one in ten French people suffer from loneliness, and all ages are affected. But then, how to manage this situation and the feelings which it generates which can turn out to be burdensome, even depressing?

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Are we too connected to bond?

at?? Unlike many living beings, humans have this particularity of needing social contact.
To be truly successful, having a satisfying relationship life is important. The fact of exchanging, sharing, being surrounded, feeling recognized has an impact on physical as well as psychological health.

Numerous studies have already proven that having no interaction even causes humans to waste away: being surrounded is therefore vital and quality relationships make us happier.

However, it is more and more difficult to make connections, to meet people, and paradoxically the world around us is more and more connected. This hyper-connection has a real impact on the way we function and our relationship with others. It is easier to hide who you really are behind a screen, without being in the eyes of the other. However, it is clear that virtual relationships are not enough, and that the need for esteem and belonging, which humans so badly need, are only met through real relationships.

Maintain the notion of pleasure to nourish self-esteem

Loneliness can be experienced as real suffering which maintains our feeling of dependence on others. Learning to respond autonomously to your own needs allows you to nurture the foundation of self-esteem in a more lasting way than to rely on the other to do it for us. Indulging in pleasures every day is a solution to achieve this.

We can distinguish 4 types of pleasures that correspond to basic needs:

  1. physio-pleasures (in relation to the body),
  2. socio-pleasures (in relation to interactions),
  3. psycho-pleasures (in relation to the nourishment of the intellect)
  4. ideo-pleasures (in relation to spirituality, personal development).

When we suffer from loneliness, we are in deficit of socio-pleasures. To counteract the negative effect of this deficit, one can decide to ensure that the other pleasures are particularly satisfied. We can come back to the body by offering a massage, a good meal. Nourishing oneself intellectually by reading, by going to see a film, an exhibition, will also help to strengthen self-esteem.

For ideo-pleasure, we can get involved in a cause, meditate, participate in a charity event, etc.

To feed your need for relationships, you can start by interacting with everyday people who you don’t necessarily think about (your baker, a colleague, etc.). The goal is not to form a deep bond, but to maintain a balance in our need for communication with even superficial discussions. This will allow you to realize that you are able to interact with others rather than brooding over your loneliness which will have a very devaluing impact.

The idea is to be fully aware of the need that we satisfy each time we have fun to develop the new habit of taking into account, of taking time and value. To anchor the effects and to encourage us to do it more spontaneously, we can list, for example, all the pleasures that we have and their effects over a week, a month, the time necessary to be well with oneself.

Cultivating a positive attitude is also very important.

We will be able to take stock of its talents, its qualities, its strengths to restore confidence. It is a job that can be done with a coach who will help you boost the necessary awareness of your strengths.

Maintaining this positivity is essential, because feelings of loneliness will tend to fuel feelings of frustration, injustice and bitterness. To develop a positive attitude and not be devoured by negative thoughts and emotions, there are many approaches such as personal development and relaxation therapy.

mental health and loneliness

Beyond the positive attitude, we will try to cultivate kindness and gratitude. An ideal exercise to maintain this is the gratitude journal. It is about focusing each day on a good moment of the day as simple as it is, to relive it fully with all your senses by (than) thanking yourself and to write it in a notebook that you can reread in case of blues to take a new more positive look on his daily life.

Also Read: How to Recover From A Breakup?

Positive loneliness and live in the present

When you have learned to manage your loneliness, and especially to have a positive attitude, it will be time to turn a little more towards others.

There are many groups specifically dedicated to meetings between single people. Other concepts such as single person travel may be an option. There are also sports clubs or associations that will make this approach more meaningful for some.

While waiting for new links to be created, we can also find benefits in his situation in order to change his outlook on his loneliness. being alone also means enjoying a certain freedom that others would greatly appreciate. Try to list all the everyday things that you can or could do just because you are alone.

Take the measure of your personal wealth, your independence, your ability to take care of yourself and to free yourself from the gaze of others, to rely only on yourself to make your dreams come true. The others will then come to you because they will feel that they are not there to fill your gaps or to give meaning to your life!

It is also important to keep in mind that this is a temporary situation and that there is no point in worrying about the future or brooding over the past; it only maintains anguish and sadness.

It is better to take advantage of this period of transition to appreciate the present moment as it is, to come out of it bigger, richer. Keep in mind that you must not endure your loneliness and not hesitate to ask for help, to be accompanied: you are not alone in being alone.

Accepting your loneliness allows you to be free to leave your comfort zone and then open up the field of possibilities.

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